Friday, August 9, 2013

When Someone Hurts You Horribly

You can react in two ways. Actually there are a multitude of ways you can react, but in the end, it comes down to two.
Firstly and the most human way is to seek payback. As the addage goes: payback is a bitch. And it is true. It is a bitch for the one being paid back for the wrong s/he committed, and it is a bitch for the one paying it back. The offender will suffer, yes you will make sure of that. You will have planned it so carefully. And you will relish each and every bite the offender takes of crow.
But revenge is also detrimental to the avenger. The avenger is inflicting suffering in compensation for having experienced suffering. Causing pain and suffering purposely for any reason causes damage to the person. In short the avenger becomes the offender.
Secondly and the hardest way is to forgive the offender for the injury done. This forgiveness isn't a feeling, it isn't a process, it isn't part of a twelve step program to be performed after the revenge. It isn't even supposed to be performed after and only after the offender has apologized. Very often the worst injuries are caused by those offenders who have no clue the pain or suffering they have caused. It isn't done when you feel like you're ready to forgive. It is done simply by saying the words: I forgive you. Though to forgive someone doesn't even require that you have to say it to the offender. It is enough to say oneself : I forgive him /her? The statement is performative: saying it does it. YOu say: I forgive you/him/her. And the offender is forgiven. YOU can't take the forgiveness back.
Does this mean that you condone the injury done you, no. Does this mean you will forget each and every horrible thing you've been through, no, well not immediately. But over time your memory isn't so vivid, and slowly you find yorself not dwelling on the wrongs done to you. And peace enters and makes itself at home.
This is a very oversimplified explanation of overcoming wrongs. But really it is quite easy Forgiving is the hard part. Can you love someone enough to forgive them and can you love yourself enough to want to forgive and heal from the injuries done to yourself?

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Scripture to keep in mind

Six things there are, which the Lord hateth, and the seventh his soul detesteth: [17] Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, [18] A heart that deviseth wicked plots, feet that are swift to run into mischief, [19]A deceitful witness that uttereth lies, and him that soweth discord among brethren. [20] My son, keep the commandments of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother. ***Cf:Douay-Rheims Proverbs 6: 16-20

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