Bear and I married back in 1993. I remember, clearly, the two of us in Fr. John's rectory office planning the Nuptial Mass, back in 1992. Fr. asked us which wording we wanted for the wedding ceremony. He also reminded us that we could write our own vows, but if we did that there were some guidelines to follow. I remember Bear and I looking at eacher and both shaking our heads. NO.
Bear choose to LOVE, HONOUR and CHERISH me. It is the pretty standard vow for the guy
Father, asked me simply : Do you want to OBEY him. That was a big question back then
I said: No
Bear: What do you mean, you won't obey me?
Me: I know my faults, I am not standing up before God a vowing to obey you, when I know I won't always do that. An if you think, I'm going to marry you and empty my brain so that I can't have a thought or an opinion of my own, you've got another thing coming.( I wasn't going to give up all authority and responsibility to make decisions. I was only marrying him, not becoming his serf. ) Besides, if I could master obedience, I would have become a nun.
Father: How about, LOVE, HONOUR and RESPECT. Can you vow to respect him?
Me: Yes, I can honestly promise to respect him. But wait, doesn't that imply that he has to be respectable?
The upshot of all this is Bear has to be respectable and I have to be cherishable. I have to admit I got the easier gig.
Also, in the marriage ceremony, Bear did NOT endow me with all his worldly goods, (like his name and titles) like the protestants do. Which is why in Protestant Countries, like England, women on mass, take their husband's name. Actually they don't take so much as they have it foisted on them.
Traditionally Catholic Countries: Italy, Spain, France, Poland, Russia, etc Women aren't given their husband's name , so they keep their own names. Though, I don't hit the roof, if you call me Mrs Bear-i-tone.
There is a particular protocol when a woman uses Mrs or Miss. But that is another post, for another time.
But the real reason I haven't changed my ID is I'm too damn lazy.
So I am asking ladies, if you are married, two questions 1: did you promise to obey, and 2: did you take your husband's name, ie, change all your ID